My heart in it’s most vulnerable when I’m with family. It’s been 11 years I left home, every years I tried to understand what is the meaning of home to me. And every years I’am aware of the changes within me, I prefer to call it as grows, but in the same time I do feel that most people did’nt change at all. They might have a better wealth, better look, more children, and so on. But still the same paradigm.
Thru this writing, I judge my family. The only thing I can do to speak up my mind and transfer my anger in response on their judge on me.
I feel life is shallow when I’m here with family in this small town ,whenever I sat on the roof and look up the skies, all those stars seems so far away to me, the beauty is kinda a dream. I’m too powerless to think that I could reach those stars. And I feel the most alive when I’m not here. Whenever I sat in my terrace and look up the skies, I smile and my heart open in it’s peace. I do feel that there’s nothing impossible to me, that life and the universe support me to be myself and whatever I do. I do feel that the frogs, the banana trees, the wind, the sun, listen to me even more carefully than those people that I expected to be.
It’s kinda weird but it’s true. All I tried here is to shut my mind, shut my mouth, being patient to listen what people think about me. And keep sending my deepest best wishes for their own good.
Whenever I came home, I brings a pack of hope. To think that people will stop judge me from my status, personality and my wealth. I expect people to ask whether I’am happy or not. But it seems whatever I did never enough to convinced them that I’am happy to be who I’am, that I feel grateful for what I have and what I did’nt have.
I know you happy, but you will be happy even more if you marry.
I know you pretty, but you will be pretty even more if you wear veil.
I know you did great works, but it’s nothing without a husband and children to share with.
Oh my dear fam,
I wish you know how much it hurts to me. The more I tried to be closer and connected to all of you, the more I feel the rejection. The more I want to be the part of the family, the more I realized we are moving into different direction.
Is it possible to love each other with unconditional love? To accept and respect the difference and the choice?
I wish you understand how hurts and hard it is to be detached from something you really love. How sad I’am inside to feel that I can not connected with all of you. I wish I could make you happy with my choice. But I wont let anyone to make decision for my life, not even my family.
I love you and respect all the differences between us ; religion,beliefs, politic, perspective or whatsoever. But I can not compromise the choice of my life.
Big hugs and lots of love.
Ps : I know that I’m not the only one In the world who experienced this. I wish that everyone in my situation could transform this spirit to create a better world ; bring love and respect among all those differences. My heart in it’s most vulnerable when I’m with family. It’s been 11 years I left home, every years I tried to understand what is the meaning of home to me. And every years I’am aware of the changes within me, I prefer to call it as grows, but in the same time I do feel that most people did’nt change at all. They might have a better wealth, better look, more children, and so on. But still the same paradigm.
Thru this writing, I judge my family. The only thing I can do to speak up my mind and transfer my anger in response on their judge on me.
I feel life is shallow when I’m here with family in this small town ,whenever I sat on the roof and look up the skies, all those stars seems so far away to me, the beauty is kinda a dream. I’m too powerless to think that I could reach those stars. And I feel the most alive when I’m not here. Whenever I sat in my terrace and look up the skies, I smile and my heart open in it’s peace. I do feel that there’s nothing impossible to me, that life and the universe support me to be myself and whatever I do. I do feel that the frogs, the banana trees, the wind, the sun, listen to me even more carefully than those people that I expected to be.
It’s kinda weird but it’s true. All I tried here is to shut my mind, shut my mouth, being patient to listen what people think about me. And keep sending my deepest best wishes for their own good.
Whenever I came home, I brings a pack of hope. To think that people will stop judge me from my status, personality and my wealth. I expect people to ask whether I’am happy or not. But it seems whatever I did never enough to convinced them that I’am happy to be who I’am, that I feel grateful for what I have and what I did’nt have.
I know you happy, but you will be happy even more if you marry.
I know you pretty, but you will be pretty even more if you wear veil.
I know you did great works, but it’s nothing without a husband and children to share with.
Oh my dear fam,
I wish you know how much it hurts to me. The more I tried to be closer and connected to all of you, the more I feel the rejection. The more I want to be the part of the family, the more I realized we are moving into different direction.
Is it possible to love each other with unconditional love? To accept and respect the difference and the choice?
I wish you understand how hurts and hard it is to be detached from something you really love. How sad I’am inside to feel that I can not connected with all of you. I wish I could make you happy with my choice. But I wont let anyone to make decision for my life, not even my family.
I love you and respect all the differences between us ; religion,beliefs, politic, perspective or whatsoever. But I can not compromise the choice of my life.
Big hugs and lots of love.
Ps : I know that I’m not the only one In the world who experienced this. I wish that everyone in my situation could transform this spirit to create a better world ; bring love and respect among all those differences. My heart in it’s most vulnerable when I’m with family. It’s been 11 years I left home, every years I tried to understand what is the meaning of home to me. And every years I’am aware of the changes within me, I prefer to call it as grows, but in the same time I do feel that most people did’nt change at all. They might have a better wealth, better look, more children, and so on. But still the same paradigm.
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