Learn How To Love Again

in the last few months, i witnessing myself grows. i learn how to love again.

learn how to love again is not simply, because you walk slowly with fears. first time you love, you be open to love and ready to do everything for love. but once you know that love is not really like what you expected, then you fear to love again.

learn how to love again means that love and fear walks altogether. you have to overcome your fear to let love works within you. i challenge myself to beat the fear within me and accept the love to works within me.

while in my daily lives, i known as inna hudaya the activist and counselor, it's kinda hard sometimes to enjoy the little girl inside myself. home where also office to me, is not belong  to this little girl. whenever i'm home my brain just automatically working all the time.

but everytime i landed in bali and saw his sleepy face waiting for me outside the airport, that little girl inside me laughing, dancing and singing.

i will hug him tight, laugh loud while enjoying midnite sky all the way to sanur. i like to lay my cheek on his back, it feels so safe. somewhere in the redlight i know he will turn his head so i can kiss him. that the sweetest thing about riding with him. next to him, i feel myself free. no more inna hudaya, just inna the silly.

i will hug him all nite and the next day i thankful to enjoy his pure sleepy face. the face that always makes me happy and in peace. 

whenever i'm in jogja, i work too hard. my brain always busy with ideas and joblist. no one can stop me from working. but when i'm in bali, i will work more effective because i want to spend lazy time in the afternoon. lazy time mean quality time. this is the time to talk less and hug more. sometimes skip dinner and brush teeth because we fall asleep.

i'm happy with nothin. when i heard him saying that, suddenly i realize what makes me in love deeply with him. yes, because he is simply guy. yes, because no takes too much efforts to make him happy, because he simply know how to make himself happy.

what i really like about him is because i like myself more when i'm with him.

loving him is about loving myself.

some poeple might think that i'm strong girl. well, it's not really true. in fact, i'm just a little girl ; spoiled, lazy and like to play all the time. also makes mistakes. the only thing that might be true is that i know how to appreciate every little thing.  maybe lots of people have someone special but maybe not all appreciate every little thing about someone they loved. maybe lots of people have better job than me but often forgot to appreciate every little progress and challenges. 

what i mean is, i dont feel that i have more than any others. but i thankful for what i have and  i dont have at the moment. that's what makes me happy. that what makes me always exciting and grateful for every new thing, new challenges and new people. 

i know it won't be forever. but i will keep thankful for every joy, jealousy and pain. and whenever it must end. i will be grateful to see myself grow even more. the best gift about learn to love is to know that we have the capability to love and to be loved.

i wish everyone as happy as i'am. i wish everyone be with somebody they loved and appreciate the love itself.